The Fine Art of Getting Back Together
So, you’ve mended your fences and you’re taking another go at getting back together. This is not just fantastic but an opportunity to show your significant other you’ve grown and learned in their absence. Take the time to show them you care, not just for a little while but for the duration, and forty years later you can regale your grandchildren with stories about the time “Grandma and Grandpa broke up”.
While working together towards getting back together, don’t be afraid to have both mundane and real conversations. Every discussion doesn’t have to start out as an in-depth dialogue pointing out the fallacies of the other person nor does it have to re-hash old news. Starting over means just that, starting over, with new things to talk about. Use this time to remind your significant other why they fell in love with you in the first place. Did you discover a love of old movies while you were apart? Share some with them. Did they discover they liked attending the opera in your absence? Share that with them.
However, it might be easy to fall into the trap of wondering, or even asking, “How did you discover this love?” Unless you were both members of a religious order while you were apart, the chances are good a member of the opposite sex introduced them to this new love. You might not like what you hear in response to this query. Rule number one, when getting back together: Don’t ask the question if you won’t like the answer. Assume the person pined for you the entire time you were apart and they discovered this newfound hobby because of watching PBS in the wee hours of the morning and go from there.
In re-building a relationship following a break-up, when getting back together, don’t be the person you were before the break-up, but be the person you are now. Now, you are independent, worldlier for having suffered the loss of a loved one and more capable of maintaining a solid relationship built on trust and maturity. If you were a jealous person before the break-up, now be one who realizes that your loved one returned to you for a reason. If you were a spend thrift before the break up, now be the person who has a budget and sticks to it. If you cheated on your significant other and they made the profound choice to forgive and move on, then you are the lucky one and you need to spend the rest of your days earning and keeping the trust once given so freely.
Getting back together, especially if it was a rather acrimonious, can be difficult, with hurt feelings on both sides. However, it isn’t impossible if care and attention are given to your partner. There will be discussions related to the aforementioned hurt feelings. Listen to what they are saying and console them. Let them know you understand as you shared those feelings, if in fact you did. The both of you hurt during the breaking up stage of your relationship and this needs to be addressed. Just don’t let this linger for too long as it can become a tired, broken record to one or both of you, constantly being reminded of your transgressions. Some talk about where you went wrong is healthy, too much and it becomes tiresome. If at all possible, set a time limit on the “getting back together” talk and then move on to “our future together” talk.
For more tips and advice related to getting back together, please pay a visit and download The Magic Of Making Up by T.W. Jackson. T-Dub, as he’s called by friends, is an average guy with above average advice for relationships and repairing them. I think you might be pleasantly surprised at the common sense advice he offers, all in one location.
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